we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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