That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This is the high leading the old right now
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
