so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
