I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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