I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
3 2 1 whiskey
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
