Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
