Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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