She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
