I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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