a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
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