Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
