I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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