i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
