There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
