I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
