I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
