he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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