Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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