You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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