I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
