dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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