we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
