I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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