You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
