my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
