I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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