how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Randomize
