Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it's great music for shaving your balls
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
