he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
