We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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