be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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