Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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