dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
