oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
