i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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