He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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