ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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