moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
