So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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