On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
