Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I will be naked everywhere
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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