Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
