she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
