It's Friday. Sex?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
