just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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