I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
