Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
