yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
