help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
