I am puke
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
