Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
