Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
